Learning to Deny
I decided to try my hand at writing a story. I had initially planned a short vignette, but along the way it morphed into something longer. The problem is that I'm 5000 words in and have only scratched the surface. I guess I'm long-winded.
Anyway, here's a rough draft of the first three chapters. Be warned that it starts slow, if you're looking for something that jumps right into the "action", you'll be disappointed. If you don't mind the slower pace (and reduced emphasis on sex scenes), then I'd appreciate some feedback. If there's interest for more of this sort of thing, I'll continue the story.
Learning to Deny
Chapter 1: The Discovery
Angela had stopped by for coffee, a ritual that repeated itself a few days each week. Heather usually looked forward to these interludes in her day. She still felt out of place in this new house in the suburbs. She didn't have that much in common with the neighbors, who were either fully occupied with raising children, or well into their retirement years. But a chance encounter at the supermarket had resulted in meeting Angela, and a tentative friendship blossomed.
Angela was busily talking about a book she had just read, but Heather's mind was elsewhere.
"What's wrong?", inquired Angela, "you seem preoccupied this morning."
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's nothing", Heather replied.
"It's obviously something. Is there anything I can do?"
Heather remained silent, her eyes fixated on the cup of coffee in front of her. Still, Angela pressed on.
"Even if there's nothing I can do, sometimes just talking about a problem helps."
Heather knew that talking would help, it usually did. But this problem was complicated, embarrassing. Could she trust Angela? She wasn't what Heather would call a close friend yet, but there was another element to the relationship - more like that of a big sister. Angela had navigated the path of suburban life and found a way to be happy without quite fitting the mold. And now she was helping Heather along that same road. Heather would have to trust her, because she really needed someone to talk to, and there wasn't anyone else.
"Well, I was using the computer this morning, and...", Heather paused, working up the courage to continue, "... and I found some files that Brad must have saved. Stories. Very, um, explicit stories."
A knowing smile crossed Angela's face. "Erotic stories? You found your husband's stash of porn?"
Heather was shocked by the directness of her friend's response. "No, not quite like that. If it was just an issue of Playboy or something, that wouldn't be a problem. I could handle him gawking at those bimbos. It's what's in the stories that is bothering me. A common theme."
Heather stumbled over her words a few times before giving up.
"I can't describe it... maybe you should just see for yourself." She left the room, returning a minute later with the laptop she and Brad shared. She found the folder she had accidentally stumbled upon earlier in the morning, then set the computer in front of her friend.
"My this is quite a collection", Angela exclaimed while browsing through some of the stories.
Heather blushed, too embarrassed for words. She fidgeted in her seat, then got up and busied herself around the kitchen. This was a big leap for their friendship. Although they had met regularly for a couple of months, they had never shared intimate details, and now she was letting Angela see a facet of brad that Heather herself didn't understand.
After a little while, Angela looked up from the computer. "Well, I only read a few of them, and skimmed several more, but I see what you mean by a common theme."
"So now what do I do? Is that what he really wants? What he wants from me? Why would any man want that, and how could a woman that loves him be so... so...", once again words failed her.
"You are wondering why a man would give up his orgasms?"
"Yes", the directness of the question helped Heather find her words again. "And what the women in those stories do, it all seems so mean, so wrong."
"Well, the first thing to keep in mind is that fantasy often focuses on the extreme. Also, the stories might be written by people who have been doing this for a long time. Think about when you first learned tennis - if someone blasted a 100 mph serve at you that might have scared you off. But you learned a simpler, easier, slower game. In this case, don't fixate on that 100 mph serve. Look past it to the underlying game. In this case the game is about control. The men in those stories want to be controlled, and the women enjoy the control."
"But why would they want their... you know... controlled?", asked Heather, too embarrassed to say the words.
"I don't understand it completely either, but you need to realize that it encompasses more than just control of orgasms. It's really carving off a chunk of their life, and letting the woman make all of the decisions in that chunk. The chunk can vary, from just an hour in the bedroom, to a 24/7 arrangement. But regardless of duration, control over the man's orgasm is just one piece of the picture."
"But the way some of those women tease the men, it seems so mean. I would hate to have it done to me, so I can't imagine doing it to Brad."
"Haven't you ever given Brad a gift that you yourself would never use or appreciate? This is not so different. Everyone likes different things. The Golden Rule almost got it right. You should do unto others as they would have you do, which isn't quite the same as what you would have them do unto you. The men in those stories are enjoying the experience. Plus it has certain, shall we say, fringe benefits for the women."
"Think back to the stories. Even though most are written be men, how are the women being treated? They are never denied, in fact their every whim is served. You can't tell me that doesn't have some appeal, even if just for an evening. But this is a lot to take in all at once. I suggest you take some time to think about it. Don't confront Brad, just mull it over for a while."
"OK, I'll try."
"And maybe read this one story. Ignore all of the rest and think about what it would be like to be the woman in that story. Could you do that for Brad if it was his deepest wish?"
Heather glanced a the file Angela had selected. It wasn't one she remembered reading, but that morning had been a blur. As her friend got up to leave, she thought of one last question: "Angela, I don't mean to pry, but you weren't shocked by any of this, in fact you seem to know an awful lot about the subject."
Angela smiled. "I have more than a passing familiarity with this particular kink. In fact, at the moment Tom is locked in one of those chastity devices you read about. I keep the key right here in this locket. But not too long ago I was in your shoes, sharing your feelings and apprehensions. You'll just have to trust me when I say it can develop into something wonderful."
Later that day, Heather went back to the computer and read recommended story. It was tamer than the others she had seen, lacking the paraphernalia that often characterized them. A couple had made a bet while on vacation, with loser giving up their orgasms for the week, and predictably the man had lost the bet. Heather started to visualize Brad and herself on that vacation. She identified with the woman's tentativeness on that first night, unaccustomed to taking her own pleasure while leaving her man frustrated. Each day the woman grew bolder in her teasing, relishing the desperate pleas from her partner. Heather imagined Brad displaying the same eagerness as the man on the last day of the trip, and the thought excited her. But she couldn't imagine behaving like the woman at the end of the story. Such a transition in just a few days was absurd, and even given months she doubted that she would act that way. But the idea no longer repulsed her. It wouldn't be her first choice, but if Brad really fantasized about such things, she thought she could give it a try. At least for a day or two. For him.
Chapter 2: The Gift
Heather and Brad were on their way to Angela's house, and Heather was having second thoughts. After the decision to give Brad's fantasies a try, she called Angela for some advice, expecting some simple way to ease into it, or tips about how to broach the subject with Brad. But Angela said it was important for Heather to project an aura of being in control and in charge. In her own words: "having a chat with Brad and telling him you'll not finish him off one night as a special favor just won't cut it. It won't work for either of you."
Angela said she could coach Heather on how to act, but it would have to be both Brad and Heather together. This all sounded very strange to Heather, certainly far more than she had bargained for. But Angela was most convincing, and reassured Heather that although some sexual activity would be taking place, there would be no swapping of partners. So Heather agreed, and now found herself in the car with Brad, pulling into Angela's driveway.
"I still don't understand what this is about", commented Brad. The fact that he even agreed to go was a bit of a surprise to Heather, and she sympathized with his confusion.
"I just know that I told you", Heather lied, "that Angela wanted us to try something with her. She was short on specifics, but you know how she loves surprises."
The butterflies in Heather's stomach multiplied as she approached the door of the house. Heather rang the bell tentatively, casting a nervous glance at Brad. She wondered how Angela was going to broach such a delicate subject.
The door opened, and she realized that subtlety was not part of the plan. Angela stood in the door, wearing a black bustier that prominently displayed her ample cleavage. A short skirt, also black, left most of her legs exposed, and in her high heels she seemed to tower above them. Angela had gone all out on her hair and makeup, and looked stunning. Heather glanced over to Brad, who was transfixed. Heather had to fight down a vicious pang of jealousy.
"Thank you so much for coming over.", Angela purred. "I know this will all be a bit of a surprise, but please indulge me. Tom and I have a somewhat unconventional relationship, and I think the two of you might enjoy a similar arrangement. I wanted to give you a little glimpse of it tonight. I'll understand if you just want to turn around and forget this whole thing. But if you decide to stay, there's one condition: Brad, you must do whatever Heather asks, immediately and without question. Of course if at any point either you change your mind and want to leave, you can."
Heather tugged at Brad's hand, "what do you say, should we give it a try or leave? I'll do whichever you want."
Brad whispered back a nervous "we can stay", and the die was cast. Heather entered the house, but just before Brad came in Angela interrupted "Heather, I forgot to mention that men aren't allowed to wear clothes tonight, so perhaps Brad should leave his in the car."
Brad stopped and looked down nervously at his feet, but made no move to disrobe. Heather waited, wondering if the night was going to end as quickly as it began. Then Angela leaned in and whispered "he has to do whatever you say, so tell him what do, and make sure it's an order, not a suggestion."
Heather hesitated. This was getting a little too weird a little too fast. Brad wouldn't consent to taking off his clothes in public, he wouldn't even go from the bedroom to bathroom without his robe in the morning. Even though the lot was surrounded by trees and very private, it would still be too much for him. But she didn't want to be the one that failed here, he could refuse and then they'd simply return home. So she looked him in the eye, and in the sternest tone she could muster said "Take off your clothes and put them in the car"
She expected him to just call it quits and walk angrily to the car, but to her amazement he started taking off his shoes and socks, followed by his shirt and then pants, leaving only his briefs. He looked nervously around, obviously having a difficult time. Another whisper from Angela "he needs more encouragement".
"Hurry up, Brad, we're all waiting." Heather commanded.
That prodded Brad into action, quickly dropping his briefs, gathering his clothes, and sprinting the short distance to the car. He lingered in the relative seclusion of the car for only a moment before returning, self consciously covering himself with his hands on the way back.
Angela led the way into the house. They wound up in the family room, where Tom had apparently been waiting for them. He was stood facing them, but blindfolded. His legs were spread about shoulder width, and his hands were clasped behind his head.
"A blindfold can be a powerful thing, Heather. We depend so much on sight, that cutting it off dramatically increases the sense of helplessness. It also heightens the other other senses - especially touch." She emphasized the last point by running her hand lightly down Tom's abdomen to rest on his hardening cock.
"Try it with Brad", she said, holding out a second blindfold. Heather secured it around Brad's head, then led him to a spot next to Tom, and had him assume a similar pose. With his hands clasped behind his head, Brad could no longer cover himself, and Heather was surprised to find him already sporting an erection. Whether from the his own nudity, Angela's cleavage, or just the general atmosphere, she could not say. But it was ample evidence that Brad was enjoying the recent developments.
Angela then relaxed in a chair and indicated for Heather to do the same. As she began to talk she also started stroking Tom. She did it almost casually, tracing a lazy path back and forth with her fingers.
"Brad is doing very well. At first I thought he might have trouble serving you properly, but he seems to be doing just fine. He has such a lovely cock. Go ahead and play with it a little, I'm sure he won't object. And we can have our little chat while petting the boys."
Heather mimicked Angela's actions, though she felt terribly self conscious doing so. She was thankful that Brad was wearing the blindfold, if he hadn't been she doubted her ability to meet his gaze. After a few seconds, Angela continued:
"As I mentioned earlier, I control Tom's orgasms. Usually I rely on the honor system. Tom isn't allowed to touch himself or cum without permission. If he is a good boy, then I reward him with a little attention. Not necessarily an orgasm, just a nice bit of touching or licking. Sometimes I like to feel him inside me. But we do all of this without him finishing. And about once a week, if he's been good, I give him permission to cum. You'd be surprised at the motivation it provides."
"Tom was always a good and caring lover, but now he's completely devoted to me. He's become quite the expert at oral sex, and I have him lick me to orgasm almost every night. I also have him pamper me in various ways, worshiping any part of my body I choose."
"Remember the energy Brad would devote to you when you were first dating? That's the sort of thing I get from Tom every day. Our relationship used to be in a rut, and we were disconnected. But now we focus more on each other, renewing the intimacy of our relationship."
"It might sound terribly one-sided, but it isn't. Controlling his orgasms is a big responsibility, one I don't take lightly. Even though his orgasms are restricted, I give him constant attention and love. Like right now, stroking him. He loves the way my fingers make him feel. I could give him the choice between standing here like this, or going into the next room and watching a football game, and I'm certain he'd stay. There's also a part of Tom that craves me to control him, that appreciates me not giving him that choice. So he genuinely enjoys these things we do, and even enjoys when I've gotten him right to the edge before denying him an orgasm."
"The part that craves to be controlled - I have learned to recognize it, and I see glimpses of it in Brad as well. Maybe he realizes it, or maybe not. But either way I'm sure its there, lurking deep inside him. Most men wouldn't have come in the house tonight, but he's here. Look at his reaction as we're talking. Listen to his breathing, see how he responds to you, even though the setting is quite absurd by normal standards. He's something special, capable of giving you a wonderful gift. All you have to do is ask for it."
"But I wouldn't know what to do", Heather interjected. "I couldn't act the way you do, it's just not me."
"You don't have to be just like me. Every woman is different, and will approach this in their own personal way. Just as there's a part of Brad that needs to be controlled, there's a part of you that will enjoy being in control. Perhaps I can help you discover and cultivate it. Think of something you'd like Brad to do for you right now, then order him to do it."
Heather thought for a few seconds. She had to admit that sitting there looking at two naked men was already having an effect on her. Hearing her friend boast of Tom's oral expertise stirred up even more desires. Brad had gone down on her once, long ago. It hadn't been the wonderful experience she anticipated, it was never repeated, and over the years they had settled into a different routine. But what if that was just because he had been inexperienced that first time. What would it be like after lots of practice? But this train of thought wasn't helping. She wanted an orgasm, but not like this, not in front of everyone. Angela was still waiting, so she needed to come up with something.
Heather made her request: "Brad, massage my feet". To her surprise, Brad instantly knelt down, then carefully felt around with his hands until he found her feet. Gently removing her sandals, he began to massage first the left foot, then the right. It felt good, really good. Why hadn't she ever asked him to do this before? Such a simple thing, really. She closed her eyes and sunk back into the chair as Brad continued to work on her feet and calves.
"From the look on your face, I assume Brad is doing an admirable job", observed Angela. "But I want you to think not just about the sensation of his hands touching you, but also about the moment you gave that order. How did it feel to have Brad obey you immediately and without question?"
Heather tried to sort out her feelings. There had been something right then, a feeling of surprise, but also something more. A tiny thrill that had shot through her body. She wondered if that was what Angela meant about enjoying control.
"Now imagine having that same feeling all of the time", continued Angela. "Foot massages, although very nice, are just the beginning. I'm sure there are other desires waiting to come out, and the key is right in front of you. Take control of Brad's orgasms, and start to explore a new relationship together. It doesn't have to be a permanent thing - perhaps try it for a month and then decide if you both are enjoying it."
Angela's words were persuasive. Although they flew in contradiction to what Heather was raised to believe a "good wife" was supposed to do, they still made sense in their own way. And Brad wasn't objecting. She expected him to stay erect while she was touching him, but she noticed that he was still rock hard while massaging her feet. There was more than just physical sensation involved. But a month was a long time, certainly more than the day or two she thought this little experiment would last. On the other hand, she couldn't deny her own reaction to the evening's events. Perhaps she should just follow the path Angela was steering her towards, she could always change her mind later on.
Heather gathered her resolve, then asked "Brad, will you give me complete control of your orgasms for a month?"
Without even the slightest delay, Brad responded "Yes".
Chapter 3: Saying No
The drive home started in silence, until Brad worked up the courage to say something: "Was all of that for real?"
"It's up to you.", responded Heather. "I know this evening took you by surprise, and if you want to change your mind and pretend it never happened, I'll understand."
"No, I won't change my mind. I really want this, probably more than you can imagine. I'm just surprised you want it."
"I'll be honest, at first I didn't. I found some stories you saved on our computer the other day, and my reaction was less than enthusiastic."
Brad groaned, "oh, I'm such an idiot, not those - don't read too much into all of that."
"Don't worry," Heather interrupted, "Angela helped me understand a lot of things. You don't have to explain."
More silence followed, until Brad asked another question: "So how does Angela fit into all of this?"
"She's going to help me, or help us I guess. She'll help me learn how to be in control of your, you know."
"Orgasms", Brad chuckled, "you're going to have to learn to say the word."
"Orgasms", Heather said forcefully, then started laughing in spite of herself. It felt good, to share the laughter with Brad. A reminder that this new development would augment their relationship, not replace it.
Catching her breath, she continued "So Angela is going to be sort of a teacher or coach for me. She already gave me a lot of suggestions and advice."
"Is that what took so long when we were getting ready to leave?"
"Yeah, this is all very new to me. Well, new for both of us. But I have to be in charge, and it helps to have some guidance. I suppose just talking about it this way with you is a no-no."
"Not at all - we're only human and as you said it is new territory for you. I'm just thrilled that we're trying this."
"That might change once you hear the rules", Heather smirked.
"Well, more like a plan. You aren't allowed to touch yourself or have an orgasm without my permission. But that doesn't mean we won't have sex. To the contrary, we're supposed to make love every night, but you'll have to stop before cumming. Angela also invited us back next Friday, I think it's going to be a weekly thing. She says it will help broaden my horizons."
Brad just nodded and continued to drive home.
As soon as they entered the house, Heather turned to Brad and kissed him. He returned her kiss hungrily, probing her mouth with his tongue. They kissed for several minutes before she let her hand wander down his body, fumbling with his belt and slipping inside his pants. She was surprised to find him already hard, and equally surprised to realize her own desire was similarly stoked. They usually spent more time on foreplay, but tonight she was eager to feel him inside her. They tore off each others clothes and fell to the floor.
Brad was on top of her, about to thrust inside, then she remembered a different position suggested by Angela. They rolled until she was on top, rubbing her suppine body over his. Once again their mouths locked in a kiss and she felt his hands on her ass, pulling her tight against him. She could feel the tip of his cock just touching her pussy. He was pulling her down on top of him, but she resisted. She usually wasn't the aggressive one, but she kept thinking of the way Brad had surrendered to her earlier, standing there blindfolded and naked as she fondled him. She wanted him to surrender to her again, right now.
Breaking the kiss, she grabbed his arms and pinned them to the floor. Reflexively he struggled, but then quickly acquiesced. Straddling him, she could still feel his cock pressed against her wet sex. She began to slide back and forth, letting his turgid member work its way between her outer lips. When she leaned forward a little, it rubbed against her clit, sending waves of pleasure through her body.
Back and forth she moved, until she could stand the emptiness inside her no longer. She adjusted her angle slightly, and welcomed him inside. He thrust his hips, but she told him to remain still so that she could set the pace. Slowly she rode him, each long thrust taking seconds to complete. He moved his hips again, needing it faster but she pulled away and waited for him to be still again before resuming her slow thrusts. She could tell he was getting closer, his moans louder, his breathing faster.
"Remember, no orgasm", she chided. "When you can't take anymore, tell me to stop." A pained look crossed his face as she continued to move. Several strokes later he needed her to stop. She rested for a bit, then resumed her movements. A few minutes later she had to stop again.
"Please let me cum", he whispered.
She was torn. Every bit of her body was screaming for her to continue, for his pleasure as well as her own. She wanted to give him this pleasure. That's what she was supposed to do by the old rules. But the new rules were different. She was supposed to deny him. Not every night, but Angela had suggested limiting him to two orgasms for the week. And she said that Brad absolutely shouldn't be allowed an orgasm this first time.
"Please", he begged.
Heather dithered. It would be so easy, just a few more thrusts would make him so happy. She would be able to feel him explode inside her. But that wasn't the plan, if she was serious about trying this, then she had to deny him.
"No", she said, "not tonight."
She slowly slid down on top of him, deeper and deeper until he was buried inside. She rested there a moment, completely filled yet hungry for more. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her mound. His fingers found her clit, and started rubbing. He'd touched her there many times before, in fact most of her orgasms came from either his fingers or a vibrator. But she'd never experienced it while he was also inside her. She could feel him throbbing, filling her up, and at the same time all of those wonderful tingles as he traced little circles around her pleasure button. The combined sensations were overwhelming, and before she knew it she screamed out as the orgasm shook her entire body. She collapsed on top of him, their warm bodies sticking together.
Slowly, her breathing returned to normal. "That was beautiful" he whispered in her ear. She could still feel him inside. Normally he'd have been spent, shrinking and leaving her. But tonight he was still aching for a climax. They could still have a little more fun, but she wasn't sure if that would just be worse for him.
"Do you want me to move some more?", she asked.
"Yes, that would be wonderful."
"Are you sure? I'll still stop eventually, and you won't get to finish. Won't this make it worse?"
"I just feels so good that I want more. I don't care if it will be worse when you stop."
She began to ride him again, the same slow movements that had worked so well earlier. She could feel him getting close, could feel him throbbing inside her.
"Please let me cum. I ache for it", he whispered, "please, just a a few more seconds."
She quickly rolled off him, afraid that she was too late, but thankfully she had stopped in time.
"No", he groaned, "I was so close, I could feel it building up."
"But this is what we agreed to, right? It's what you said you wanted."
"Yes, it is. I wanted more, and I feel like I'm about to burst. But as badly as I want to cum right now, I'm still glad you stopped. I can't explain."
Heather didn't understand. If she had been that close and had her orgasm yanked away she'd have been furious. But Brad didn't appear angry. She'd just have to accept without understanding. Still, as they climbed into bed later she couldn't shake the feeling that she had treated him unfairly; that taking such pleasure without returning the favor was fundamentally unjust.