Things to ponder...

[Four_Inch_Heels1]

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he
grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look
like a nail.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm?

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

The speed of time is one-second per second.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?


(Feel free to add your own musings!)

[tite_nutz]

when I stop laughing, I'll try to think of something intelligent to add. Great stuff, FIH.

[neil4u]

Nice one FIH! Here are a few more that I can remember:

1. If man evolved from apes, why do we still have apes?

2. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

3. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

4. How is it possible to have a civil war?

5. If the police arrest a mime artist, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

6. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

7. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

[Four_Inch_Heels1]

Thanks, boys! Love 'em, neil! :lol:

[jimbean]

Ha! Great stuff, FIH, thanks for sharing :)

-------
"You can't have everything . . . where would you put it?" - Comedian Steven Wright

If the black box on the plane is indestructible, why don't they make the whole plane out of it?

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand the binary system, and those who do not.

If a man talks in a forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

-------

Have a great weekend, everybody. I love being home for the holidays, but it also precludes much activity here. I miss you guys in chat :(

Cheers,
Jim

[MyBallsAreBlue]

Some of my favorites....


If the universe started with a bang, then who lit the fuse?
If 7-11 is open 24/7 365, then why are there locks on the front door?
If it's the greatest show on earth, then what do they do for the second show?
If you go for a short drive of less then an hour, then how does the speedometer know how fast you're going?


Have an outstanding Holiday!

[Four_Inch_Heels1]

The last one IS a mystery, mbab!

Merry Christmas to you too!

[Jaberwocky]

* There are two things important in life. First of all, you should not tell everything you know.
* There are also three kind of people. People who can count, and people who can't.

[simpleton]

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

[jimbean]

How come the male genitalia are alternately known as 'the family jewels' and one's 'junk'?

BTW, a speedometer works using calculus. I'll leave it at that :)

Cheers,
Jim

[simpleton]

What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

[jay_g]

I feel sorry for people who don't drink - when they wake up in the morning, that's the best they'll feel all day. I think Churchill said that

Dejavu all over again - Yogi Bera

I AM in shape - round is a shape

I couldnt find a candleholder, so i bought a cake

Why do DRIVE-THRU ATM's have instructions in brail?

All the king's men may have had a better chance if they'd have gotten the damn horses out of the way.

[simpleton]

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

[MyBallsAreBlue]

I'm on a see-food diet. I can eat what I see.
If a color TV only displays red, green, and blue light, how does it make yellow?

[cjc007]

Hi folks,

New kid on the block here :icon_biggrin:

1: Everytime a chicken crosses the road it's likely some joker will ask the question ... "Why?"

2: Abbey Road in London has a famous 'zebra-crossing' which is sometimes used by pedestrian chickens. "Why?" :smile5:

3: The quickest way to get rid of 'a monkey on your back' is to give the cheeky little monkey a good spanking
3: Alternatively, if you're really not in the mood to 'spank the monkey' you can just tell the little wanker to ... "F*** off!"

:smile2: