(NOTE: I've decided to revise this post again in response to critical comments from daquiri among others--and also from my sissy sub semon/nissa, whose path both challenges and confirms my analysis so far--rather than just respond to them in a new separate post. I think this is more useful--since what I'm doing is clarifying my views rather than changing them. I'd like this post to be useful to sissies, non-sissy subs, and of course to Dommes, which is why I'm taking the trouble. I totally encourage and welcome comments, critical, adoring, or both. But this is it. Any further discussion will be in comments. )
Flash forward a couple more years. I was working in an office, dating “J” and discovering the wonderful worlds of conscious Female Domination and male fetishism through his gentle but devoted and persistent tutelage (I’ve always wanted to use that word). I’m going to go into this whole topic much more in a future post, but for now what’s relevant is this. “J” made it very clear from the start that (a) stockings (especially gartered stockings) and high heels worn by a sexually confident and assertive woman were the express lane to intense arousal to him; and that (b) the fact that the woman knew about this weakness and was deliberately using it to manipulate and/or control him totally sealed the deal and made him absolutely helpless with submissive excitement. The same was also true of his secondary fetishes, which include satin and lace lingerie, corsets and girdles, latex clothing (especially skirts and stockings, again), cheerleader and tennis skirts, nurse uniforms, lipsticked and glossed lips, polished nails--and above all my feet, legs and butt. From literally our second date “J” invited me—in fact, begged me--to use his fetishes to make him my “love slave,” according to the techniques laid out so well by Georgeann Cross in Sexual Power for Women and by Elise Sutton in several books. Once I got over my Catholic girl qualms I absolutely loved it and still do. The idea of total sexual possession of a man, and through that, complete control of his behavior, is probably the single most erotic idea to me. Just thinking about it, even now writing this, makes me excited.
As I said, I’ll be writing more about the whole process with “J” soon. But what’s important is the understanding and skills I gained in the use of fetishes, particularly clothing fetishes, for erotic domination. And it can even be done at a distance. I can call “J” at work and just say certain trigger words connected to his fetishes in a certain tone I use, and I can hear him dropping into sub space like a stone as his voice thickens with arousal. (I like doing it to him when he’s in a meeting!) So when, a week or two after joining this site, I met a boy here with fetishes very similar to “J”’s, using the same tricks on him was easy and fun. Then I noticed that he was dropping little hints about crossdressing and being feminized. All of a sudden I made the mental connection back to Timmy, and then I just knew what to do. Timmy had been a sissy, I now realized, and this boy was too! He was just older, more sophisticated, and more fixated on specific fetish triggers (but like Timmy, he loved being called a slut!). So I started using the fetish codes to take him deeper and deeper into crossdressing and submission, because I discovered that feminizing a boy--taking away his masculinity and getting him to beg to be girly--was quite a power rush. I found that with someone like this boy, feminization is incredibly easy. Also, after a year of chatting with and dominating several other sissies and reading stuff that sissies have written (oh, and a book by a feminizing Domme called Veronica Vera), I think I have at least partly figured out what sissy-ness is and where it comes from.
First, though, responding to a challenge from one of my readers, I'll say how I define a sissy. To me, a sissy is a submissive, effeminate/hyperfeminine crossdresser who adores Females and fetishes feminine things: clothing, lingerie and hosiery (especially), shoes, makeup and beauty products, hair, perfume and toiletries, behavior and speech patterns, and even women's beauty and fashion magazines. As distinct from transsexuals, sissies don't generally feel they're in the wrong body and crave a complete transition to being women. Also as distinct from transsexuals, they are sexually excited by crossdressing one of the marks of real TS is that, as for nearly all genetic women and girls, female clothing, while they may find particular items pretty and pleasing to wear, is not in itself sexually stimulating. Unlike with "vanilla" crossdressers, though--of whom I have encountered one or two--the sexual excitement sissies get from crossdressing is bound up with submissive feelings toward actual Females.
The recipe for a sissy is like this: take one sensitive, usually intelligent boy who can’t hack the brutal hierarchical sorting process of early teenage “masculinization” when boys learn the rules of being boys. (The hierarchical sorting process of “feminine-ization” for early teenage girls is equally brutal, but more socially-emotionally and less physically I think.) Often this is because the boy isn’t very interested in “boy stuff” like sports and violent video games. Or it can be because he is physically frail and retiring. Or, even if he has "normal" boy interests and is fairly athletic, it can be because he has a very small penis—this seems to be common. Or, ditto, it can be that he discovers masturbation and develops fetishes for lingerie, stockings, or whatever via porn, being shy around girls. Finally it can be because he is just in general more “femme” psychologically (gentle, timid) without being a transsexual. Very often, when much younger, he has envied little girls their pretty clothes and “soft” forms of play, including dolls and so forth, preferring them to the rough games of boys. Or, as has been suggested in comments on the first version of this post, he just has a femme side that comes out more with age--especially, I would guess, with or soon after puberty.
My guess is that some combination of these "ingredients" will tend to produce either a sissy or a "pantyboy" type submissive with strong fetishistic tendencies. I don't mean to imply that they're all necessary. For instance, I've met sissies who have perfectly respectable-size dicks, sissies who when not kneeling in their frillies enjoy wilderness survival treks, sissies who collect guns, and so forth. Also, as in the case of the first boy I feminized, some sissies mostly repress their natures into their thirties or--I've been told by others I've met--even later.
Typically (but not always) the proto-sissy boy is entirely or anyway mostly heterosexual. His low position on the teenage masculine totem pole means that he is rejected as an object of sexual interest by girls as a teen, even if he is not bad looking. At the same time his brain is being bathed in sex hormones, and girls, especially the very femme girls at the top of the femininity hierarchy, absolutely mesmerize him. Their bodies, their voices, their hair, their mannerisms, and their clothes, all make him crazy with desire and adoration. And so their humiliation at being failed boys and sexually rejected by girls is eroticized. They become submissive, emotionally masochistic to one degree or another, fetishistic about “sexy” female clothing and footwear, and aroused by the humiliation so long as an attractive girl or woman is doing it. I also think that older women concerned with the approaching loss of their attractiveness often spot boys of this type and to one degree or another take advantage by seducing and erotically dominating them, even if it’s no more than teasing. Typically, these women seem to present themselves in classic high femme style, with skirts, heels, nylons, perfume, makeup, and so on. That reinforces (or just triggers for the first time) the fetishism and submissiveness. This has helped me to understand why so many sissies--or just femme-fetishistic subs--love the fantasy of being feminized by a sexy Mature Lady as a teen.
What seems to happen then is very well described by my sissy sub Amber in her incredibly helpful and informative blog post about her history. The boy’s fascination with feminine things, his inability to form “normal” relationships with girls in his mid and late teens, and the intensity of his desires causes him to transform himself into his own ideal sexy, sensual, flirty feminine companion—but in her deeply submissive mirror image. But since he wants to enjoy that companionship as a boy, he doesn’t reject his male genitals—though he may crave continued erotic humiliation about their inadequacy. He yearns for a Dominant Woman to come along and complete him by reinforcing his femininity, compelling him to abandon the failed (as he experiences it) masculine side of him and bringing his adopted femininity and his submissiveness fully together, closing the circuit so to speak. Because the Dominant Woman embodies the Goddess of Femininity, his other side, the sissy worships Her. The result is that the sissy as a type is probably the best submissive to Dominant females.
This will probably be a controversial statement with many Dommes on here as well as many subs. Most heterosexual Dommes I know want a masculine man whom they dominate in the bedroom (or in the rest of daily life too) but who is “strong” in “manly” ways. They are not turned on by feminine men at all, or even by somewhat androgynous ones like my husband. In other words, they are very comfortable inside the existing rules of gender except that the traditional power relationship is reversed. Some are even offended by sissies as “caricatures” of femininity. OK, I mean, if you want the big strong manly guy and get off on dominating his big strong manliness—great! I can totally relate. I enjoy it myself. But I think it’s a mistake not to see that sissies are hyperfemme not because they misunderstand femininity, let alone resent it, but because they love it so much. To sissies, femininity is a way to get close to the Femaleness they adore but feel they can’t possess as males or “real men”—and also therefore want to serve and worship.
Myself, I love how submissive and adoring sissies are. I think they’re sweet and cute and—if the sissy is attractive in that androgynous way—even sexy. And besides, I do enjoy teasing and humiliating them in play and then being sweet and maternal with them afterwards. They bring out both sides of my Dommely personality really nicely. Because they're femme, they have a better intuitive understanding of me and my pleasures and desires than pretty much any masculine male sub I've met. (My husband, who is androgynous in more than just appearance though not a sissy or crossdresser, is an exception, as are some other very sensitive masculine boys I've met.) And I don’t mistake sissies' fluttery, cooing femme-ness for weakness. Nothing is tougher in our culture than being a hyperfeminine male who is submissive to women. I respect their courage in being what they are. You go, girls! Now kiss my toes!
Tags: Sissies Crossdressers Fetish Lingerie Submission Femme